It is still morning here and so far, I feel okay. His actual birthday has never been the hardest day for me. Yesterday, I felt the saddest I've felt in sometime. I felt sad, but also just on edge, I didn't want to go to work and leave A. Once Mr. g is home from work we will start our traditions for M. Picking out our tree, lighting our candle. I know I will feel better then, I always do when I actually get to do something that feels like it is for M. In some ways, I think this year has been harder than last year. I know some of that is the addition of A, seeing her can be a painfully obvious view of what I missed out on. And also, just combining the two, the happy and sad in my life. It is a strange balancing act.
I want to say more, my insides feel like they are bursting at the seams with feelings, but at the same time, I feel speechless. I have often wondered, how do you keep talking about someone who lived so short a time? But, at the same time, I don't want to quit talking about him.
My sweet, sweet M,
how I miss you!!!
I wish I could give you a million hugs
and kisses for real, but these will have to do
until we are together again.