I had a few problems with work today. I won't get into the details, but to sum it up quickly, it looks like they will pretty much do anything to avoid paying my benefits while I am on leave, meaning I will have to pay for my medical during any time I take off work to have a baby. Which means at a time when our income will go down, I will have an extra expense. I swear, if you heard them, you would honestly believe they think women should just work on Tuesday, have baby on Wednesday, work on Thursday. It's really my fault, for being half time, not full time. See, they talk a good game about how they offer half timers the same benefits as full time, but other than the medical (which you can be in danger of losing if you go one millisecond under half time hours) you don't really qualify for anything else. Oh well, if I end up not qualifying for their 70% of pay disability plan, with no medical benefits, I am pretty sure I will qualify for some form of pay through the state. The funny thing is, Mr. g and I were not worried about the paycheck, we knew we could live a few weeks with just his. We were more worried about taking on the cost of my medical benefits. Thank goodness for our small (very small) savings, it makes me feel a little more secure.
As I tried to deal with this today, I could feel a bit of stress coming on. I could feel myself get fired up about how unfair I think my work is being. Like I need more reminders life is unfair. I think that is why these types of situations push my buttons so much, I don't need those reminders. Soon though, I felt myself calming. I realized I just didn't care. Not only did I not care, it was a pointless venture. I am not going to change their policies today. I have no fight in me. Now of course I care, but what I mean is, I started thinking, "I just want a living baby" Screw the money, the benefits, that will work itself out, somehow. I can stress about that when I have a breathing, squirmy infant in my arms. Seriously. I had to work at it a bit, but truly, I decided I didn't want to spend anymore time thinking about it. I got my answer, I want to wash my hands of it. Because what I care about, what I want to think about, is getting my baby girl here alive. That is it. I want my complete and total focus to be on that one issue right now. It helped. It really helped. Screw my work, I got bigger, much bigger things to spend my brain matter on. Whoever thought there was a "zen zone" in dead baby mom perspective?
ETA to add: Well, reading my disability handbook at work today, "if" I get approved, they will cover my benefits during the disability. If I decide I want a little longer with baby girl, then I will pay. Not too bad, as it least that would be less of a financial burden. I was told by someone who works in HUMAN RESOURCES that he didn't think disability covered benefits. Don't you just love competant employees? Oh, and just to let you guys know, I don't work for a company, I work for the city government. Does this explain this better?