Thursday, December 6, 2007

How I cope and the crazy thing I did

So, after 2 days of feeling a lot of stress over the decisions I have to make, I came up with a coping technique. Today, I am 35 weeks and 6 days. They are not doing the version right now. They are not going to deliver me right now. So, I just need to get through the next week or so before I really have to decide anything. I'm trying to quiet my mind until then. It kills me to think of going to 39 weeks, c-section or vaginal birth. But, like I said, I am not close enough for them to take her at this point anyway. Around 37+ weeks, I will cover that ground. Not a very impressive coping technique, right? Well, heck, it's all I could come up with.

Now, the crazy thing I did. I, who can barely even go to the baby section in a store, went to that baby crazed happy place, R. U.s. I know, I know, I can't believe it myself. Here is how it happened- I had my NST this morning, and was trying to run some errands afterwards. One of the stores I wanted to go to is across the way from the B store, and I showed up 20 minutes too early, they were not open yet. So, rather than sit in my car, I decided to go in. I think what made it possible were two things. One, it was very early, and not very many people were there. Two, I had a very specific reason. I know the car seat I want, and was planning to order it online and have it sent to my mom's to avoid the whole public buying of baby items. However, after reading some online reviews, a few people had mentioned the fact that the seat was larger than some models and may not work well in a small car. Not only is my car compact, but only a 2 door. (yes, I want to change that, but it just isn't possible right now) I had a vision of struggling to wiggle a car seat out of my tight backseat, and decided I needed to actually see the seat in person. So, the B store is a good place for this.

It wasn't too bad, actually. And I looked at some other items while I was there, but didn't buy anything. I came close, but honestly, I think I didn't buy anything not for emotional reasons, but because I wasn't certain I wanted some of the items I found, and decided to think about it more. The only bad thing was that I did stay in there long enough to see the store get more crowded with the mommys and their babies crowd. I felt a little freakish, kept thinking of my car in the parking lot with its pregnancy and infant loss rememberance ribbon. I know that I don't know any of these women's historys. I mean, they could have had losses, but it is hard to talk yourself out of the freak feeling.

I'm glad it wasn't a bad experience and that no one talked to me. (so not ready for that!) I might be able to go back and get the seat and save myself shipping and handling.


Monica H said...

Good for you! I am so proud of you for walking in that store. It's a tough store to go in (isn't that wierd? I mean who knew that walking into BRU would be so challenging, but it is?) Anyway, I'm glad you felt strong enough to walk in there and look for baby stuff. Did you like the car seat in person?

Also, I don't think holding off for one more week is such a bad technique. Denial can be a wonderful thing. I do it all the time. Hey, what ever works!

**My vote, (and you can totally disregard it) is c-section, then you don't have to worry about any cord accidents.**

meg said...

Ms. G, I am so proud of you. I can imagine that this must have been almost impossible to do.

As for the delivery? I don't have any idea, but just go with your gut feeling, when you have to decide.

Carole said...

I agree with Meg. Go with your gut decision. Make sure your doctor listens to what you want and need to do as well.

Jennifer said...

Hi Ms. G.
Your blog is lovely. I just found it tonight. But I wanted to say that you do have other options regarding your birth. First off, I will say that I lost my DD in June 2003. But since then have been pg 3 times, both my DD & DS were born without complications (and I'm currently 33w pg now). Second I will say, that in each of my sub pg I had a amnio for lung maturity at 37wks (well with my DD it was at 36w, but immature and she was born at 37w). I'm assuming you see a peri for some of your care, I would ask them about this possibility. From what I have seen and experienced having the amnio is somewhat normal for a pg after sb. Lastly, I would not attempt the version. Some baby are breech for a reason. BUT, that decision is all for you to make. You and your DH need to be comfortable with your choice.


Julia said...

I am so impressed with you walking into that store, and so glad nobody harassed you with the happy-peppy pg talk while there.
Yeah, how was that car seat in person?