The nurse

As I mentioned, my last appointment was with the nurse/midwife. I see mainly 2 people in this pregnancy, her and the high risk doctor. The nurse/midwife is also in high risk. She works exclusively with the doctors in that department.

I like her, I do, really, but I have come to discover that the doc is in better synch with me.

My appointments with doc:

She may have things she wants to talk about, but they can wait. She does the u/s first, never making me sit and wonder if baby is still alive. After it is on, she tells me it is okay to look.

Her attitude:

She knows I am freaked, wishes she could help me, but realizes she can't, that is just the name of the game for people like me. Tells me the only thing she can do for me is watch close, but no amount of anything will truly ease the stress. Has made reference to other patients of hers in my situation and how she wishes she could just put us to sleep until she had a baby to put into our arms.

I see her view as realistic and she makes me feel normal.

My appointments with the nurse:

After 20 minutes of discussion, we finally turn on the u/s with her cheery, "lets look at the baby!!!!!!" (yes, I need the exclamation points, that is how she talks)

Her attitude:

Happy, excited, tells me to not get too stressed, and to take some time every day to think positive things about the baby.

I can tell myself she means well. Even the positive thing, which usually annoys me to no end, because I can tell myself she just wants me to enjoy some of this pg. and believe me, I want to as well. But, sometimes, she might as well take my nerves and rub them over a cheese shredder for all she grates.

This last appointment not only did I get the "be positive" talk, she told me that some women don't feel better till they pass the point they lost before. Well, she has my chart right in front of her, I have long way to go. And since I was mere weeks from my due date, I seriously doubt I am going to feel so much better when that week passes. I did point out to her I had a long way to go, by the way.

So, yes, she is a perfectly nice woman. I just think we are on different pages here. She has a touch of the thing I have complained about since M died about all medical personnel. I feel as though I still shock them, as though they have never had another patient who has gone through this. I live in a big city, I have a hard time believing this to be true. And one of their responses to that shock and discomfort is to revert to four years old again. Hands over their ears, singing La, La, La, I can't hear you! But I also think the medical community does that because they don't have answers for stillbirth, and therefore, they don't want to talk about it. But that is another post.