Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Hmmm....I can't seem to put a title on this one. The computer won't let me. How weird, yet maybe appropriate, as I also can't seem to pin my thoughts down exactly.

Today is a bad day. I keep going through all the things that could go wrong in my head. I keep thinking about things that are not even my high risk issues. I hate days like this. Of course, I have a doctor's appt. later this afternoon, and my stress level is always high before I go in.

I am going to post some random thoughts.

I told myself I wasn't going to go to any appts. by myself, but the one where I had to bring my mom, I wasn't happy. I can't put my finger on it, because my mom and I are very close and she has been wonderfully supportive since M died. I just didn't feel comfortable with her there.

Today, I am going by myself as Mr. G can't, and my mom is out of town. Yes, I am scared this will be the time the baby's dead.

I have decided that upon hitting 17 weeks, assuming of course, things still look good, I am going to start going crazy and buying this baby stuff. If the baby has lots of stuff, he has to come home to use it, right?

Don't ask me why 17 weeks, as that time has no real significance to me at all, just seemed good.

If that doesn't make any sense to you, well, it doesn't to me either. M had hardly anything even though he only had 4 weeks left. I have asked myself why a million times. Did I know something was going to happen deep in my soul, or was I just too busy at that time?

Did anyone else make huge lifestyle changes because they thought they were going to have a baby at home? I work a different position at work, and live in a neighborhood and apartment I would not have chosen if I had not been pregnant. Those were two big changes I made in preparation for M's arrival. I may not have bought the little lad any clothes, but I gave him his own room and a mommy who would be home more with him.

I already think this baby is a boy, too.


niobe said...

I did absolutely nothing to prepare for the twins. Oh, except reserve them slots at daycare.

On the other hand, my sister-in-law, whose baby was due within a couple a weeks of the twins' due date outfitted an entire nursery and had three baby showers all before she was 6 months pregnant.

Monica said...

I say do what makes you feel good. If shopping for this baby helps you to bond with "him: (I'm going by your theory that it's a boy), then do it. If it makes you feel weird (like it does me sometimes... like it's a jinx), don't do it. I don't think there is a right way to do it. HAve you read the book Pregnancy After a Loss by Lanham? She writes that some mothers enjoyed to shop, but others were terrified until they go the baby home. If it feels good do it. And just for fun I'm gonna post this three times. (hehehe)

Birdies Mama said...

We made sure that before moving into our new aprtment that we painted using only non-toxic paints....that baby would have as many organic clothes, non toxic organic bedding...that baby would have a non-toxic co-sleeper and stay in our room with us. We made sure that I ate 99.9% organics....used only non-toxic and all natural (with no hidden toxins) skin care, all natural laundry detergents, cleaners etc.

We had always been aware and stayed away from toxic things in our home, but we were that much more aware and looking into things before we would buy them.

I also bougth a $300 top of the line air filter from eco-baby. We had bought a new mattress and then I found out about all the toxic gasses that they give off, so the air filter was bought to deter those toxic gasses...and for me to breathe clean air to our baby.

Some of this may seen over the top to some people, but it is what felt right and good for baby. She deserved only the best....all natural and pure.

We didn't mind making our home and lifestyle that much more in tune with nature and organics.

Go for it girl, buy your baby what you want to! Be excited!

missing_one said...

It's funny sometimes the things that happen. When I was pregnant with J, I just couldn't bring myself to buy that last minute baby stuff. We didn't even have diapers a week before I was due...makes you wonder.
and being a second baby, people don't give you all that stuff because they assume you already have it.
I say go for it. Buy all the baby stuff, then baby will have to come, right?