Hmmm....I can't seem to put a title on this one. The computer won't let me. How weird, yet maybe appropriate, as I also can't seem to pin my thoughts down exactly.
Today is a bad day. I keep going through all the things that could go wrong in my head. I keep thinking about things that are not even my high risk issues. I hate days like this. Of course, I have a doctor's appt. later this afternoon, and my stress level is always high before I go in.
I am going to post some random thoughts.
I told myself I wasn't going to go to any appts. by myself, but the one where I had to bring my mom, I wasn't happy. I can't put my finger on it, because my mom and I are very close and she has been wonderfully supportive since M died. I just didn't feel comfortable with her there.
Today, I am going by myself as Mr. G can't, and my mom is out of town. Yes, I am scared this will be the time the baby's dead.
I have decided that upon hitting 17 weeks, assuming of course, things still look good, I am going to start going crazy and buying this baby stuff. If the baby has lots of stuff, he has to come home to use it, right?
Don't ask me why 17 weeks, as that time has no real significance to me at all, just seemed good.
If that doesn't make any sense to you, well, it doesn't to me either. M had hardly anything even though he only had 4 weeks left. I have asked myself why a million times. Did I know something was going to happen deep in my soul, or was I just too busy at that time?
Did anyone else make huge lifestyle changes because they thought they were going to have a baby at home? I work a different position at work, and live in a neighborhood and apartment I would not have chosen if I had not been pregnant. Those were two big changes I made in preparation for M's arrival. I may not have bought the little lad any clothes, but I gave him his own room and a mommy who would be home more with him.
I already think this baby is a boy, too.