Not only do I let my feelings out here, but I also post on an online support group. I'm too lazy to write a real post about how hard this Mother's day is for me, so I am just going to copy the post I wrote there tonight.
I am really struggling this year. I know I have A, and believe me, I feel so blessed with her, you can't even imagine, but I just miss my little guy so much. I wish he could be here not only for me, but for A too.I could just feel a lot of sadness coming down on me as mothers day approached and I decided I really didn't want anyone to make a big deal out of it for me. I'm making dinner for my mom, but that is it. I'm just so bugged because a couple of people have acted like they are so excited for me and I know it is because they are thinking of this as my first mothers day. This came from even some family members, (in-laws) Then, a friend of ours brought me flowers today, and I don't want to sound ungrateful, but they wrote, "happy 1st mothers day" on the card. It stung. I mean, come on, I know being the mother to a baby that died means you might not "celebrate" mothers day in the traditional ways, but you are still a mom!! It just saddens me so much. After our friends left, I cried and cried to dh. I wasn't going to visit my inlaws tomorrow anyway, but I for sure can't now. I am just feeling too emotionally fragile to deal with them. I will NOT be able to handle it if everybody makes a big deal over the day for me.Sorry to vent, please don't think I don't appreciate being A's mom. I do, so much. That is part of what gets me, I keep thinking about all of the mothers out there whose children are not with them.Thanks for listening.
To all of us who have a spent a mothers day without our children- I wish a gentle, peaceful day. Remember, you ARE mothers.