We have a small room air conditioner in the living room only. It was a warm day today, and by mid afternoon, we decided to flip it on. My husband walked down the hall and started closing doors to the back rooms in order to not waste the cool air. We had a short discussion on whether or not to close A's door as we would probably be going in and out to change her diaper etc. I then asked Mr. g if he closed our bedroom door. He got a somewhat sheepish look on his face and said, "No, M is in there" Of course, he meant M's ashes which sit in a spot made just for him on our dresser.
It was one of those moments when I realized my husband still does miss M, and does have his own little hang ups. He can't close our bedroom door when we are not in there because it feels like shutting M out somehow. I can't get rid of a pregnancy books on natural non medicated birth I got while pregnant with M, even though I will probably never have a natural non medicated birth.
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The men are usually trying so hard to seem cool that when moments like this one come along, they seem even more fragile and vulnerable. But it certainly helps to know they are right there with us.
I don't know why I feel so much better when my husband admits he's still sad. But I guess it's hard to think that we are the only ones that are still sad for our children, since we are the only ones that knew them. I just assume that everyone else in my life has moved on, and while they may still feel bad that I am sad, I don't think anyone is actually thinking about Hannah.
Isn't it odd, I often refer to Maddy's remains as "her", too. Which I think drives my husband up a tree. But I say things like "we need to take Maddy to my aunt's when we go on vacation so she's not alone." There's probably a dissertation in there somewhere.
I'm glad he's still finding ways to say things like that.
It always surprises me when Mr. H says things like that because I know he cares as much as I do, even though he's too tough to show it.
Oh... that's really sweet.
It reminds me of when I finally broached the subject of our twin's ashes with my husband, and whether we should have them buried. He had never said anything about it before, but when asked he kind of mumbled quietly, "I guess I just like having them here with us." And so here they stay.
It's amazing how what they are thinking about and the ways that they miss their babies too come out in ways we don't expect.
This really touched my heart.
~Carole
Ditto what everyone else said. I too like it when DH says things like that because it let's me know just how much he cares. He doesn't share it often, so sometimes I feel crazy for thinking about Jimmy all the time or the crazy things I do (such as rubbing his urn). I think it is incredibly sweet.
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