M's sister made her appearance. Yes, baby girl "A" was born. I'll sum it up quickly: On Monday, Dec. 17th, at my doctor's appointment, the doctor started listing times I could schedule the c-section. (She was still breech, and I decided against an external version) One of the times she offered was Wednesday afternoon, as in 2 days from then. But, I had to have an amnio to check for lung maturity on Tuesday. If I chose that date, I would be 37 weeks, 5 days, a little earlier than I planned, but, seriously folks, how could I not choose the earliest date?
I have never in my life heard a more beautiful sound than that of her first cry. 37 weeks and 5 days of sheer terror ended. And, a whole new kind of terror started. I am finding recovery from a c-section rough, I'll be honest. I guess I'm odd man out because every other woman I have spoken to says she would choose c-section over vaginal birth, but I don't think I would. Of course, my vaginal birth was with M, and who knows how that affected the experience. For one thing, I think they gave me more drugs.
There is a lot I would like to post about. A lot about my complicated feelings having her here, at the same time of year, 2 years ago that I was in shock over losing her brother. I want to feel like I can be honest here. Because I am ecstatic, over the moon, loving and enjoying her in a way words can't describe. But, I am dealing with a lot of emotions too. There has been a lot of crying this week, and not just from baby. And here, I want to be able to talk about these things. So, I hope if I do, no one will think I am not enjoying my sweets. In real life, sometimes it feels like people think that way. So, if I ever get a chance, I will post about this week, and all it's emotions for me.
For now, I will say this. I adore her, the breastfeeding is hard, but getting easier, I adore her, I never knew there were so many diapers, and I adore her. Looking at her gives me great happiness and sadness, now I know for sure what I lost. But over the last week, I have thought many times that M, in his absence, has given me great and deep appreciation for every breath she takes.