I scare myself. Yes, lately I find myself actually believing baby girl is coming home, that she will live. I can tell myself that this is an excellent development, after all, why not? Is believing she will die better? No. However, when we start to imagine our life with her, (and we have!) a fear grips my heart. I've suprised myself by not being able to turn off the belief, even as the fear invades me. I just live with belief and fear in one big tangled mess.
Honestly, I haven't even figured out this confusing mess of feelings. So this will be a very short post, but I wanted to touch on this quickly anyway, to at least start trying to figure out how to cope with this.