I don't have any organized coherent post today, so I am just going to go through some thoughts of mine. I am just so happy my computer has finally stopped giving me problems and I can sign in once again!!
*A very small update on doctor's office- After my last appointment, I was to make my first Nov. appt. with nurse-midwife, but the Nov. schedule was not open at that time. I had to call this week. Since I don't see the doctor until Tues., I decided when I called, just to tell the receptionist I needed my appointment with the doctor. That worked, it isn't like she had a note saying, "next appt. must be with NM". Also, my appointment was supposed to be in the week of Nov. 5th. However, the receptionist was having trouble with that week, so she booked me for Nov. 1st. That would be about a week after my Oct. appt. with doctor. I want weekly's anyway! What luck....
*More thoughts on doctor- I know for sure I will be asking the doctor 2 main things next visit. Can I start coming in every week? Can I just book with her for the rest of the pg.? Depending on her answers, we will go from there. I have decided that if she questions in any way my need to see her, I will just let her know the nurse midwife and I don't communicate well. I don't see the need to get into the whole last appointment issues. However, having said that, this is where I get into a small dilemma- the comment NM made about M's weight is really bothering me, and I would like to re-visit that. I need to know if they truly believe his weight was an issue. (which I am sure it wasn't, but if there is any more info to be given on his cause of death, I want to hear it) I also want to ask about baby girls weight. Doesn't it make sense she is bigger with my very early ovulation? All they are using for dating is last mentrual period. Well, I didn't ovulate exactly 2 weeks after. The dilemma part is I am not sure I know how to bring it up without displaying my distaste and anger at the nurse, and I don't really think it will do me good to go there. I guess my main point is, I am the kind of person that likes to get something accomplished without getting people defensive. I'm a big believer in the words and tone you choose can make all the difference...any suggestions on this front?
*I have been having these very complicated guilt feelings. I have been thinking of cleaning out and getting ready our second bedroom for baby girl as a *positive* thinking activity. My first feeling is how scary that is. My second feeling is guilt that I didn't really have much ready for M. I was very busy at the time and planned to start after the holiday season. Then, to add to that guilt, I feel guilty that I am not planning more for baby girl to come home. I feel like if I don't, she won't. I know this isn't logical, but I think there is a secret part of me that feels I jinxed M, by not being more prepared for him. What can I say? I never promised my feelings made sense.
*My other current dilemma is my thinkig I should stay busy in order to focus my thoughts somewhere else besides how long it feels to the end of December. Then I get to thinking, I don't want to be too busy, I need to pay attention to baby girls movements at all times. I am so afraid I will get too distracted and not notice something. This is so hard.
*My boss' niece recently had a baby and my boss has taken to showing me every little cute thing she is buying for her. I play along, and coo at the right times, but I always laugh a little inside. Should I tell her after five minutes in the baby section of a store, I start to have a panic attack and must leave immediately before I vomit?
*I must add, I actually started this post yesterday, my computer freaked on me in the middle and said it must shut down. I got so frustrated I didn't have the heart to come back until this morning. Thank goodness Blogger saves as you go!