One day, I want to post all of M's story, but today, I want to talk about one part. It is the part that will still bring me to tears. It is when I told my family that M had died.
Why do these things suddenly appear in your memory? Today, for me, it was driving in the car. I remembered, and cried, and cried. I was already in a room, in the hospital gown. I sat on the bed, and tried to call my parents. Neither was home, and I told my sister. I remember, saying, exactly, "The baby died". Even now, I don't know why I said baby, and not M's name, since we had been calling him by name since we found out he was a him. I think, because in my sadness, I kept thinking in my head, my baby, my baby, my baby.
"The baby died" What a sentence. I miss him so much.
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This is so sad. I don't remember telling anyone -- either because I didn't, or, more likely, because I've managed to completely erase it from my memory.
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