Wednesday, May 9, 2007

Everyday fear

I have not started bleeding yet. I take this as a good sign, but every time I feel that small surge of feeling something similiar to hope, I start to shake with fear. I don't want to let myself feel that yet. The other shoe could drop tomorrow.

I have not had as many dead baby dreams the past few nights. They seem to have been replaced with danger dreams, where various scenarios of danger are just around every corner. Do I really need to analyze that?

I realize I sound so paranoid as to make one think I need drugs. Perhaps I do. I don't think the words "pregnancy" and "rational" can fit in the same sentence when it comes to describing me.

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