This post was supposed to be about a New Year's resolution I would like to try. However, before I get into that, I need to vent about the last couple of weeks, okay? Here is the timeline-
Dec. 16th M's bday
Dec. 16th-19th Bought tree, decorated tree, finished Christmas and Birthday shopping
Dec. 19th A's bday
Dec. 20th A's bday party
Dec. 22nd A's 1 year doctor appt.
Dec. 22nd-23rd A runs a fever first night, and throws up second night
Dec. 24th A seems a little better, ms. g has to run into work to fill out timecard she forgot about, start wrapping presents, have debate about whether or not we are going to inlaws that night
Dec 24th (evening) go to inlaws have Christmas celebration, watch A carefully for signs of not feeling well. Think A is having a fine time and will be able to stay up for midnight gift opening because she was given a late nap.
Dec 25th (12:30 am) Drive home with poor screaming A who, now no longer entertained by cousins, realizes how tired she is. Mom is kicking herself and feeling her heart break as tired baby cries and reaches for her from the carseat.
Dec 25th(4:30am)Change A out of Christmas pjs due to poop sliding out of diaper. Assume this is the leftover sickies leaving as A hasn't pooped in the night since she was 3 months old.
Dec 25th (morning) Have nice morning with A and Mr. g. Wrap presents for Ms. G's side of the family
Dec 25th (afternoon) Ms. g cries on phone to Mom because exhaustion is setting in from two sick baby nights with no sleep. Go to Ms. g's family, have nice Christmas celebration. Start to worry about the fact that A has barely eaten any solid food since Monday, only wants to nurse, and poop is getting softer and softer. Once again, change poopy outfit, leave it soaking in bathroom sink
Dec. 26th Notice A has 3 teeth, all about to erupt
Dec 27th Ms. g sick, spending a good portion of morning in bathroom
Dec. 28th Notice one of A's teeth has erupted. Worry again that she will only take a few bites of solid food. Notice A still, "doesn't seem like herself" though it is very subtle and she doesn't seem sick. Finally get to do some laundry, feeling much better about vomit/poo clothes not sitting around
Dec 28th-29th (overnight) A wakes up every hour, we figure it must be her teeth
Dec 29th Mr. g gets sick, A finally seems more like herself, actually lets mommy get some cleaning done instead of holding/nursing her only
Dec. 29th (overnight) A is running slight fever, won't sleep, very fussy, only wants to nurse. Ms. g feels like she is losing her shit, nipples sore, begs A to stop nursing "for five minutes, please!!"
Dec. 30th Ms. g goes back to worrying about solid food intake, too much nursing, soft yellow poop diapers. Doesn't know what to do. Just keep nursing as much as A wants? Force feed solids?
And here we are.....I am so tired. And I feel bad for A, who has had a tough week too. I know the last few days have probably been her teeth and I can even understand why she wants to comfort nurse, but man, it feels like she asks me for milk 20 times a day. And I'm left here, thinking, "I don't know what the hell I'm doing" I'm sure I left some things out of that timeline. Lets just say, it has been a busy couple of weeks. I am seriously considering doing her birthday party earlier or later next year. Don't get me wrong, we had a fabulous birthday, we had so much fun, and Christmas too, it just seems like a lot of activity to cram in.
Whew!! It actually felt good to get that off my chest. I feel energized. So thank you, to those who made it through it.
As for my resolution, I want to try to write down M's story this year. As much as possible. I am so afraid to that I will forget things, in fact, I'm sure there are some details that I have already. I never have written it down because I knew going over it like that would make me cry, and sometimes I just don't want to cry, you know? But, I want to the story to be available, for me, for A, for whoever may want to know. I may do it here, I may just do it for myself, but that is my resolution for 2009.
I wish all of us a happy, peaceful new year. May this next year bring you all joy and not heartache.