So I know I have been totally silent lately. It is just hard for me to get a chance to get on. Believe me, I have made a million posts in my mind while I sit nursing A.
However, when I finally get on the computer, my mind is a blank. Honestly, I don't want to post too much about A. I really don't want to become a "mommy blog". I think I can post about whatever, but can I really do that with a title Broken Heart Diaries? I do still have some things to post about M. Lots, actually, I have always wanted to tell more of his story, but during my pregnancy with A, there were always those worries to speak of. So I plan to still post, sometimes about M, about A, or you know, whatever. It will just probably not be too very often right now, while I figure out how to nurse, comfort my fussmonkey and type at the same time.
*Sigh* Just a moment to reflect on that last sentence. As hard as it can be, I love that she is here with me, that nursing and typing at the same time are my concerns, instead of, "How will I survive this?" She gives me a run for my money, but I can't tell you how much I appreciate her very existence.
I'm sorry, was that last paragraph obnoxious? I don't mean it to be.
I am going to share my latest source of tears and anger. When I am struggling with *motherhood* and knowing what to do for her, I have this thought, "If M were here, I would know this stuff, I wouldn't be a *newbie*" And then I get pissed at this truth that is my life.